Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Birthday

Today is my 31st birthday. I'm one who usually looks forward to birthday's because turning another year older - even if it is 31 - is a milestone to celebrate.

I woke up to tons and tons of FB messages and I was thrilled to read them all. The girls gave me lots of birthday love and wanted to know when my party was. LOL I told them when you get my age, you don't really have birthday parties. Well, unless you plan one for yourself, which I've done... I can't wait for that btw, but it's not until the 13th. I told Kaitlyn that I wanted her to sing Happy Birthday to me and she said it would have to wait until my birthday party :( We'll see if that actually happens!

Anyway. I was fine with today up until I dropped the girls off at school and was alone in the car with my thoughts. I immediately thought of my sweet baby boy and how I would do ANYTHING to have him here to celebrate another birthday with. Turning another year older is NOT fair, especially when Erik will never have another earthly birthday. It was then that I broke down and screamed at God and demanded to know "Why?".

Why am I allowed to turn another year older and my innocent 5 year old can't. He didn't deserve to die. I've done so much wrong in my life that I deserve to never have another birthday.

UGH!



1 comment:

ASHLEY ELDER said...

Found your blog on another baby loss mom's blog. I am so very sorry about the loss of your very cute son. I lost my 4 month old a year ago this month. It totally and completely sucks :( This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I like reading from people that have been there done that and see how someday things can be "good" again.