Tuesday, August 30, 2011

2 days

There are 2 days left before Erik's birthday.  I feel like I should write something, but what I should write - I'm not sure on that yet.  I anticipated that the days leading up to his birthday would be hard.  Surprisingly, they have been ok.  I've been pretty busy at work, so that's helped.  I don't know, I guess I feel a certain calm this year that wasn't there this time last year.  I miss Erik like crazy.  But I'm coming to accept the fact that he's gone and never coming back.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed off as all hell, but I'm working on that.

For his birthday Thursday, Kyle and I are gonna go to his grave and place his new flowers and let the sky lanterns go.  Hopefully these 7 take off better than the test one we tried a couple of weeks ago.  It had the potential to be bad.  Very bad.  As it setting the trees behind our house on fire bad!!!  Not a good idea to light a "balloon" on fire and let it go towards lots and lots of pine trees!  Thankfully, Kyle came to the rescue and we put the fire out before it got ugly.

On Saturday, I've invited family and my closest friends over to hangout and celebrate Erik.  I know that it's going to be bittersweet, but I felt I needed to do something to continue celebrating his life.  I've also invited those same guests to church on Sunday to worship with us in honor of Erik.  Erik loved church and I want family there with us.  2 very special ladies are going to be singing a song for Erik and I can't wait to hear it.  They've told me that they haven't been able to practice singing the whole song without crying, so we'll see what they can do come Sunday.  They are the same ladies that sang "Jesus Loves Me" at Erik's funeral and when I heard the song, I immediately thought of them singing it.

I know that I'll be a blubbering mess, but it's ok.  I miss my boy, it's his birthday, and I'm GOING to cry.  



1 comment:

ASHLEY ELDER said...

Sounds like his birthday is going to be wonderful and special. The lanterns are such a cool idea! Thinking of you as tomorrow comes and pray that things are smoothly.

It's nice to hear that you ARE learning to accept the fact that Erik isn't coming back because I am SO held up on the fact that I want my son back so bad and cannot accept the fact that he's gone...but it gives me a little hope to see that someday I will get there, maybe.