Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Grief Journey

As part of Still Standing magazine, bereaved Mama's are given the opportunity to share where they are at in their grief journey.  Today is the first chance to link up, so I wanted to share where I'm at in my grief journey.

I am 29 months, 23 days into my journey.  I am more lost today than I was on that awful day in November, 2009.  I have suppressed my grief for so long that it has started to affect me in ways that I didn't know were possible.  I'm a very private person when it comes to people I know in real life.  I don't want anyone to have pity for me or feel bad for me.  I prefer for people to see this strong, determined and passionate Mama who refuses to let anything get to her.  Yep, that's me.  It's a rare occasion for people I interact with daily to see me upset.  My friends, co-workers and even my family rarely see me upset.  I keep to myself and as hard as I try, I can't break away from that.  I'm not quite sure how I hold it together sometimes, but it has a lot to do with taking the spotlight off of me and putting it on to someone else.

I started therapy in January and although it's helped tremendously, I still have a long way to go.  My therapist is amazing.  She came into my life at the perfect time and I am so grateful for her.

I just hope that in reality I am moving forward because in the little bubble I live in, it sure does feel like I'm right where I started 29 months, 23 days ago.



Mrs. Howard said...

Oh Ashley, this is a hard journey. I think therapy can be soo helpful; I'm praying it will help!!

Amy said...

I just wanted to say "Hi!" I noticed you are a follower on my blog. Thank you for being interested in my blog and for being brave enough to share your journey on yours.


Tesha said...

Hi I am really sorry it is so difficult for you. I am saying prayers for you tonight for your broken heart and also that the therapy would help you work through the grief. I saw Erick's in your heart pendant it is so special :)

meghan said...

Hi there, I'm responding to the comment you left on my blog via Kelly's Korner. Thank you for visiting! New follower to yours. I'm so sorry about your son... I do hope therapy helps and I'll pray for you.

Hannah Banana said...

Praying for you, Ashley. Love you girl!

Ashley said...

It definitely never gets any easier :( I am so sorry that you have to go through this life without your Erik ((hugs))