Thursday, September 22, 2011

Same thing, but different

As I was reading through the blogs that I follow this morning, I came across Peyton's Mommy's blog.  You can follow along here - - Peyton was diagnosed with leukemia at birth and lived for 28 days before gaining her angel wings.  Although Erik's death was sudden and tragic, I feel connected to this mommy because she now has twins.  I always feel connected to parents with an older child and then younger twins.  I guess I just like to see how they live their life and get any tips or ideas too.

Anyway - Peyton just celebrated her 3rd birthday in heaven.  The blog today was titled "Tucked Away in some Corner".  She was referring to the box of stuff that grieving parents are left with when their child passes away.  I can relate to her in SO many ways, as I too, have a "box".  I actually have 2 boxes of stuff that I've kept since Erik passed away.  I have a big chest at the end of our bed that contains all of his clothes that I REFUSE to get rid of, along with other things that he loved and at this point in time have no special place in our house.  I've just put everything related to Erik into this chest.  I have another box (drawer really) that contains all the stuff that the hospital gave us after Erik died - a handprint in a cast, bereaved parents booklets, locks of his hair, the clothes that were cut off of him when he was brought into the ER - and also the tons and tons of cards we received, as well as all the information from the funeral home.

There are parts of me that feels awful for having his belongings tucked away where nobody can see them, but the biggest part of me breaks into a million pieces every time any of these things are brought into the open.  It makes his death that much more real.  I mean, I have a tiny ziploc baggie with the hair off of my dead son's head.  His beautiful hair that will NEVER be cut again.  Yep, that makes it pretty real.

Some days I think that each bereaved parent grieves so differently, but then days like today where I read another blog and feel like I'm reading about myself hit me.  Yeah, this group that I'm in - we're all very different, but in the end, we're all just a bunch of parents who have buried their children.  We miss our babies like crazy and all of us would do ANYTHING to have them back.

1 comment:

Kelly L Boots said...

I think it is really nice that you have kept his things. My Mom kept one of my Brother's trucks and one of his stuffed animals. He has been gone for 31 years but she still has those.