Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Allison over at Motherhood, WTF? wrote in her latest blog "I'm so sick and tired of fighting all the time, of the constant vigilance I have to keep with L, the nonstop battles over every little thing all day long every single day.  It's just too hard.  It feels so unfair sometimes.  LIke I was given the wrong child.  This kids needs a better mother - someone with more patience and kindness.  I give up.  Hello, Universe?  You made a mistake.  You didn't give me a challenge I could rise to, but one that has totally destroyed me.  Please check your records and make the appropriate adjustments."

OMG I couldn't agree more with her!!!  This is exactly the way I've been feeling here lately.  Little Miss Kaitlyn Della is trying me and her daddy in EVERY.SINGLE. way possible.  She talks back.  Sasses us and her sister.  Blatently ignores us.  She's rude.  She's mean.  And so much more.  Kaitlyn has basically been a handful since the day she was born.  She's always needed more attention than my other 2 kids and has always tried to be in control of everyone around her.  Granted, we should've nipped all these problems in the bud early on, but you have to understand one thing - having 3 kids, 2 of which are twins, is HARD!!!  I felt like I was devoting all of my time trying to "correct" Kaitlyn and was neglecting my other children.  I decided to give in just a little with Kaitlyn so there wouldn't be so many battles with her throughout the day.  WOW!!!! Wrong decision to make!!! She has only gotten worse over the last year or so.  She's found her defiant personality and she is RUNNING with it!!!

September through the end of the year is the hardest time of the year for me.  So many events and so many "lasts" put me on the verge of an emotional breakdown.  Kaitlyn only intensifies all of this for me.  Last night, I was at my wit's end with her.  She was exhausted.  She was ill as a hornet when she woke up yesterday morning and it only proceeded to get worse.  The entire amount of time that I'm able to spend with my girls was spent fussing at Kaitlyn yesterday.  She cried when I took her to school.  She was whining when I picked her up.  She sassed and talked back the ENTIRE ride home (an hour ride mind you!).  She expected me to carry all of the crap she insists on taking with her to daycare.  I refused and that caused her to throw an all out hissy fit.  I still refused.  I tell them in the morning that if they can't carry whatever toys (junk) that they wanna take with them, then they need to pick something to stay at home.  That is something that I don't budge on. Anyway.  To my point...

Last night, we told the girls that they were going to eat supper, take a bath and head straight to bed.  They weren't going to be allowed to watch their nightly cartoons and there would be no playing.  We put them in bed shortly before 8 p.m.  Almost 2 hours later, we are still fussing at Kaitlyn and trying to get her to sleep.  She has been talking, playing, crying, going potty - you name it, she's tried it - just so she won't have to go to sleep.  I had finally had enough and I let my emotions get the best of me.  I was over fussing yesterday and I just wanted her in the bed, asleep and out of my hair for the night.  Finally after a lot of screaming and yelling and tears, she was asleep.  This was at 10:15 p.m. or so.  Let's not forget that we have to be up and out the door by 7 a.m. during the week so I can get to work on time.  UGH!!! I was not happy last night.  At all.

After I sat back down from all the rucus with her, I got to thinking.  Not only have a buried a child, I have an overly defiant child who is sure to drive me into the crazy house.  This is NOT fair.  I should be cherishing the time I have with my living children and not be spending that time fussing and disciplining and being the "mean" mommy that I get called about 500 times a day.  I felt like shit last night after I had been so harsh on Kaitlyn.  I felt like a failure as her mother and I couldn't believe I had acted the way that I did.  I criticize parents who treat their children the way I did last night.  I get mad when parents complain about their kids like I was doing last night.

If my life is all God's big master plan, why in the hell did he take my only son AND give me a daughter that I obviously don't know how to handle.  The stress of losing Erik plus the stress of Kaitlyn is about to do me in.  Top that off with the idiots I deal with on a daily basis and I feel like I'm drowning.  


Cheryl said...

I think you are handling things extremely well. I know you have probably heard this 8 million times, but have you heard the quote "God wouldn't give you anything you can't handle"? Well, I agree with this statement so much. He knows you can handle all of this, and in the end? Your kids are going to realize how much of a great mother you are and they are going to THANK YOU.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

"If my life is all God's big master plan, why in the hell did he take my only son AND give me a daughter that I obviously don't know how to handle"

WOW! Really?? Did you really just question God about taking your son and give you a daughter that you can't handle? That is just horrible! We all have our moments, but this is just something else. Be grateful that you still have 2 healthy girls to live for. Don't take them for granted... Some Mom's loose all their kids at once. :(

Kelly L Boots said...

Being a Mom can be so hard at times. I really don't have any advice. One of my daughter's is a real hand full at times. I always catch myself comparing her to my older daughter but I know they are two different people with different personalities.
Has your daughter ever been evaluated for ADHD or anything like that? Is she only like that at home or does she act like that for other people too?
I hope things get a little easier for you all. I think that the most important thing to do is be consistent with discipline and household rules. Good Luck!

Heather said...

Dear Anonymous,
Apparently you know zero about Ashley or what she is talking about. If you truly read what she wrote you would know she is simply saying the stress of losing a child is compounded by the fact that she is having such a hard time with Kaitlyn. I Have a 13 year old daughter who is on the verge of driving me nuts, and she's a GREAT KID, however we all have days with our children when we question are abilities as a parent. It's normal, expected, and healthy. Apparently you have either not raised children, are on drugs that make you float on clouds, or have too much time on your hands and enables you to post critical comments on someones blog who you obviously do not know.

caseyp said...

I am new to your blog, but i ran across some ones Very ugly response to this post. I am very sorry someone would include Our father in their nastiness.....Judge not lest ye be judged.....

On the question of what to do.. my oldest son was this exact child, but 10 times worse.. Start by rebuking this demon that is in your lil girl.IN JESUS NAME!!!! ASk her to close her eyes and ask Jesus to help her calm down and stop being rebellious... Jesus hears our lil ones prayers too. I have done this numerous times!! As for ADD its a demonic oppression.. cast it to HELL!!!! my son was on 5 dif meds by the time he was 10 from docs and teachers saying he needed more meds!! No what my son needed was JESUS!!! We rebuked the BS and he was delivered on the spot... I know your lil girl will beat this as well!!!! Keep fighting for her.. Knowing God doesn't want her to be unruly!!! I love ur posts.. thanks for your inspiration!