Papa

I've written many posts about the pain of losing a child. It hurts. It's awful and there have been times that I simply just wanted to die so I could be with my son again.

What I haven't written a lot about is losing my father in law a little over 2 weeks before Erik died. My husband had to experience the loss of his Dad as well as his first born child in a span of 2 weeks. I've seen my husband at his lowest points this last year. I've came home to find him crying. I've seen him after he's been crying for hours on end. I've seen him fall into depression and not want to do anything but sleep. I try to console him and tell him that it will be ok, but damn it, I really DON'T KNOW if it will ever be ok again. This coming Saturday will be one year since the last time I saw "Papa" alive. I had taken the kids over to show him their Halloween costumes. He was so excited to see them. I can remember how his face always lit up when his grandbabies walked in the door. He loved them like they were his own and would've done anything for us and for them. He was one of the greatest men that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I miss him dearly, but I know that he and Erik are having a ball!!

Kyle and I have been dating for a little over 7 years. When we first got together, I remember going to his house and walking in the door to hear Papa say "damn girl, are you gonna get any taller" and then he laughed. Even through all of mine and Kyle's hard times, Papa never chose a side. His concern was always on our children. He was there for all of Erik's birthday parties - whether it was a swimming party, "pasture" party, or the party at the farm. He didn't miss them. He even walked close to a mile to get to the girls first birthday party at the park. Nothing was going to keep him from celebrating their life!

Kyle and I are trying our best to keep his memory alive since the girls were so young when he passed away. The girls recognize him in pictures and still say "Papa's house" when we ride by what is know Kent's house. He was a great man and I just wish my girls would've had the chance to know him like everyone else did.

RIP Papa (6/23/09 - 11/3/09)