Wednesday, October 27, 2010

6 months - May 14, 2010

It's been 6 months since part of my heart was ripped out of my chest.

It's been 6 months since Erik last told me he loved me.

It's been 6 months since the last time I seen his big ole' brown eyes.

It's been 6 months since I experienced pure hell.

I heard so many times that "the pain will never go away, but it will get easier to deal with". I'm still waiting on the easier part to come. Nothing about losing my sweet boy has been easy.

I've somehow managed to not let losing Erik consume every single second of every single day, but it's still not easy not having him here with me. It's not easy going to places and realizing that the last time I was there was when Erik was with me. It's not easy when his name comes up in a conversation. It's not easy when I go watch Jake play ball. It's not easy watching my girls play and wondering why God had to take Erik from me. It's not easy listening to Big Green Tractor, but when I hear it, I turn it up and sing at the top of my lungs. It's not easy watching my nieces and nephews play together and seeing how different they are now. It's not easy seeing 6 year old boys. It's not easy when Kaitlyn and Sienna get in a mood when all they wanna talk about is their bubba. It's not easy thinking about all the things that will never be.

Nothing about losing a child is ever gonna become easy.

I miss Erik as much today as I did the second I knew he was gone. And even though I know that he's in heaven, I still worry about whether he's ok or not.

So as tomorrow comes and goes, I will try my best to remember all the good times that Erik and I had. Lord knows that we had more than a lifetime of fun together.

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