Saturday, August 11, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Imagine
Imagine for a second that you're riding home with me from work - back roads with minimal traffic, music blaring - namely Pontoon for the 1857453rd time, kids singing along in the back seat, us secretly watching them in the mirrors...
... sounds like lots of fun, huh?! Well, typically it is. Unless of course they ask to listen to Pontoon again. I start to get a little aggravated after the 1857454th time.
Now, imagine our seemingly fun and interesting ride home turning into being behind one of these -
You, being my passenger, continue singing along and keep catching glances of two beautiful little girls laughing and singing in the back seat. Seeing an ambulance probably wouldn't change a thing about your ride home.
Now, I want you to imagine that you're in my shoes for a little bit.
Imagine being behind an ambulance for over half of your hour drive home AFTER you've buried your child.
Imagine being behind an ambulance for over half of your hour drive home AFTER knowing your child took his last breaths behind those very doors that you find yourself staring at.
Imagine being so consumed by anxiety that you almost have to pull off the road just to catch your breath.
Imagine the relief you feel when the ambulance finally turns left and you're going right. In that very instant, you realize that you really had been holding your breath that whole time.
All because an ambulance - who wasn't rushing to an emergency or transporting anybody anywhere - got in front of you.
This is just one of the millions of feelings I have to live through each and every single day. Something as simple as an ambulance knocked the breath out of me.
You don't even want to know what an ambulance rushing to an emergency does to me...
... sounds like lots of fun, huh?! Well, typically it is. Unless of course they ask to listen to Pontoon again. I start to get a little aggravated after the 1857454th time.
Now, imagine our seemingly fun and interesting ride home turning into being behind one of these -
You, being my passenger, continue singing along and keep catching glances of two beautiful little girls laughing and singing in the back seat. Seeing an ambulance probably wouldn't change a thing about your ride home.
Now, I want you to imagine that you're in my shoes for a little bit.
Imagine being behind an ambulance for over half of your hour drive home AFTER you've buried your child.
Imagine being behind an ambulance for over half of your hour drive home AFTER knowing your child took his last breaths behind those very doors that you find yourself staring at.
Imagine being so consumed by anxiety that you almost have to pull off the road just to catch your breath.
Imagine the relief you feel when the ambulance finally turns left and you're going right. In that very instant, you realize that you really had been holding your breath that whole time.
All because an ambulance - who wasn't rushing to an emergency or transporting anybody anywhere - got in front of you.
This is just one of the millions of feelings I have to live through each and every single day. Something as simple as an ambulance knocked the breath out of me.
You don't even want to know what an ambulance rushing to an emergency does to me...
Happy Birthday Annie!!
Today is my first little girls 10th birthday!! She and I have been through A LOT together and I realized that the saying about a dog being a person's best friend was definitely true when I rescued her from the pound!
She was an itty bitty 2 pound baby when I brought her home...
I thought she may stay a lap dog, but I quickly realized that she was outgrowing my lap...
She fell in love when I introduced her to the swimming pool, but to this day, still HATES getting a bath - go figure!
She's starting to show her age, but when she's up to it, she will chase a ball for-ever, as long as she has someone to throw it for her. And don't worry, if she can't find her ball, she isn't afraid to go pull atree limb down or a boulder and beg for it to be thrown! She'll fetch bricks, limbs, balls, toys - anything really. She just loves to fetch!
Annie is pretty much completely deaf. It breaks my heart because she use to greet everyone that pulled up to our house. Now, she just hangs out wherever until we get her attention by walking up on her.
I know that dog's don't live forever and I know that Annie is considered "old" for a dog, but the day she goes to Heaven will be pretty rough. I can't even imagine not having Annie by my side!!
She was an itty bitty 2 pound baby when I brought her home...
I thought she may stay a lap dog, but I quickly realized that she was outgrowing my lap...
She fell in love when I introduced her to the swimming pool, but to this day, still HATES getting a bath - go figure!
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| Taking a dip in their water tub! |
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| Clean water or dirty water - she doesn't care as long as it's water! |
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| Her favorite things - a ball in the mouth and running through the water! |
She's starting to show her age, but when she's up to it, she will chase a ball for-ever, as long as she has someone to throw it for her. And don't worry, if she can't find her ball, she isn't afraid to go pull a
Annie is pretty much completely deaf. It breaks my heart because she use to greet everyone that pulled up to our house. Now, she just hangs out wherever until we get her attention by walking up on her.
I know that dog's don't live forever and I know that Annie is considered "old" for a dog, but the day she goes to Heaven will be pretty rough. I can't even imagine not having Annie by my side!!
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| My 3 Girls! |
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Do me a favor, please...
It's quite simple actually. I'm asking that all my blog friends take a second and say an extra prayer for a very dear friend of mine.
Today marks 2 years since her sweet boy went to Heaven.
Her heart is still very broken and I know every hurt that she is going through.
Will you take a moment and pray for Ashley and her family, please?
Today marks 2 years since her sweet boy went to Heaven.
Her heart is still very broken and I know every hurt that she is going through.
Will you take a moment and pray for Ashley and her family, please?
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Blog-Working Wednesday
Hello, my name is Ashley and I'm obsessed with link-up parties!
The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?!
Oh well - it's fun.
Today, I'm linking up with Paige at Eloping Stethoscope for Blog-working Wednesday. BWW is simply a way of getting your blog out there for more people to read.
And the way I look at it, the more people that know about my beautiful boy, the better!
This blog is all because of him after all.
The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?!
Oh well - it's fun.
Today, I'm linking up with Paige at Eloping Stethoscope for Blog-working Wednesday. BWW is simply a way of getting your blog out there for more people to read.
And the way I look at it, the more people that know about my beautiful boy, the better!
This blog is all because of him after all.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Sometimes and Always
Dang, it's been a rough month... and it's only the 7th. I may or may not make it through the rest of the year... Anyway. Now onto my post.
Linking up again with Megan for:
Sometimes: I let the guilt trips people take me on get to me.
Always: I realize that I'm still going through some serious shit and I'll NEVER be able to please everyone.
Linking up again with Megan for:
Sometimes: I let the guilt trips people take me on get to me.
Always: I realize that I'm still going through some serious shit and I'll NEVER be able to please everyone.
Sometimes: I would like to get in my car and just drive away and never come back.
Always: The guilt of leaving overtakes my body and I'm forced to deal with life.
Sometimes: I'd like to trade places with the people who don't "get" this life
Always: I wouldn't wish this pain, heartache, anger and loneliness on anyone!
Sometimes: I find myself getting jealous of couples who haven't had kids yet.
Always: I remember that they are the ones who are really missing out.
Sometimes: I get soooo excited for the girls to be starting big girl school soon
Always: I go back to the school that their brother will never get to experience. And it pisses me off.
Sometimes: I look at myself in the mirror and can't believe what I'm seeing.
Always: I continue to eat like I haven't had a meal in weeks. :(
Yeah, so this post was a complete downer.... Maybe I'll do better the rest of the week...
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Another year older
Friday night - my birthday day - I invited some of my great friends over to hang out and just be together. I feel like I don't get to see them near enough and it being my birthday was a great reason to get together.
Thank y'all for helping make the day a little easier!!
The day ended up being pretty good. Thanks to a yard sale group on Facebook, I was able to sell some things that I no longer needed and I got to go shopping for myself. Yay!
I was hoping the whole weekend would be pretty good, but that wasn't the case. I slept pretty much all day on Saturday and just wasn't feeling getting off the couch period. Ugh, grief is such an up and down roller coaster.
Erik's birthday is in less than a month and I've yet to plan anything for him. I wanted to do some sort of celebration for him and raise money for Erik's Rodeo, but I'm not really wanting to do that now. I did a small party last year and was just disappointed. I can't put myself through that this year. But I still have a few weeks before it's his birthday, so we'll see if my feelings change any.
Anyway - I'm another year older and I feel like I've aged another 10. Birthdays for me will never be the same...
Thank y'all for helping make the day a little easier!!
The day ended up being pretty good. Thanks to a yard sale group on Facebook, I was able to sell some things that I no longer needed and I got to go shopping for myself. Yay!
I was hoping the whole weekend would be pretty good, but that wasn't the case. I slept pretty much all day on Saturday and just wasn't feeling getting off the couch period. Ugh, grief is such an up and down roller coaster.
Erik's birthday is in less than a month and I've yet to plan anything for him. I wanted to do some sort of celebration for him and raise money for Erik's Rodeo, but I'm not really wanting to do that now. I did a small party last year and was just disappointed. I can't put myself through that this year. But I still have a few weeks before it's his birthday, so we'll see if my feelings change any.
Anyway - I'm another year older and I feel like I've aged another 10. Birthdays for me will never be the same...
Happy Birthday, April!
Today is my sister-in-law, April's 27th birthday.
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| April and me at my party Friday night |
April has been a part of our family for a very long time! She started dating my brother back when they were in high school and has been in our family ever since. She has become much more than my brother's wife and I am so glad that I'm able to consider her one of my best friends. I can call her and vent about any and everything and she's always willing to listen.
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| Their wedding day - 12.01.07 |
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| Back when we both looked a little different! LOL |
April has been through a lot this year. She found out back in March than a mole on her neck was melanoma. She had surgery to remove the mole and has been cancer free since.
She is going to start her Master's Program for Occupational Therapy at the end of this month and I am so proud of her. She has been working full time at her job, as well as busting her tail completing the work necessary to get accepted into the program. She's such an inspiration!
I know that my brother is spoiling her rotten - the iPad she got last night is proof of that!
I hope you have a wonderful day April!
We love you!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Unhappy birthday to me...
I've started several different posts today and each time I've changed my mind on publishing them. Maybe one day.
My 32nd birthday is tomorrow.
I'm not feeling it.
I can't get into the birthday spirit considering my sweet boy will never have another earthly birthday.
He should be here giggling with the girls because I'm begging to know what they got me for my birthday.
He should be barricading the door with Sienna trying to keep me from seeing my present.
He should be as excited as Kaitlyn and Sienna are about tomorrow being my birthday.
But he's not.
He's dead.
And that's reason enough for me to never want to have another birthday again.
My 32nd birthday is tomorrow.
I'm not feeling it.
I can't get into the birthday spirit considering my sweet boy will never have another earthly birthday.
He should be here giggling with the girls because I'm begging to know what they got me for my birthday.
He should be barricading the door with Sienna trying to keep me from seeing my present.
He should be as excited as Kaitlyn and Sienna are about tomorrow being my birthday.
But he's not.
He's dead.
And that's reason enough for me to never want to have another birthday again.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
August Birthday's and Angelversaries
Angel Birthday’s
Robin Hodges - 08.05.1958
Matthew Miller - 08.06.2007 - Matthew's Story
Randall DeBruhl - 08.07.55
Hope Barrett - 08.09.2005
Elizabeth Smith - 08.10.1993
Joshua - 08.16.2010 - Joshua's Story
Cade - 08.20.06 - Cade's Story
Georgina Jane - 08.26.2008 - Georgina's Story
Angel Lifeday's
Truman Montgomery - 08.01.11 - Truman's Story
Ellersly Grace - 08.13.2011 - Elle's Story
Brody Lukeheart - 08.21.2011 - Brody's Story
Madeline & Emma Grace - 08.30.2011 - Their Story
Angelversaries
Bryanna Noel Green - due date 08.03
Beckett Elder - 08.09.2010 - Beckett's Story
Corinne Moll - 08.10.2011 - Corinne's Story
Dustin May - 08.16.2011
Kristen Elaine - 08.17.09 - Kristen's Story
Aunt Margaret - 08.26.2008
Georgina Jane - 08.29.2008 - Georgina's Story
Lauren Kittles - 08.29.2010 - Lauren's Story
**If you would like to add your loved one's name, please contact me.**
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