Tomorrow marks 18 months since my official goodbye to Erik. Tomorrow will be 18 months since I last touched and kissed my handsome little cowboy. I'm having a really hard time these days getting the awful memories of him out of my head. I can't get the image of the way he looked out of my head. I can still smell him in his casket. I can still hear the Funeral Director asking us to step outside so he could shut the casket for the last time. I can still feel my heart being ripped out of my chest again and again as my son's lifeless body was wheeled out the door into the back of an ugly black car. I can still see the back of the hearse as we followed it to the church. I can still see the look on everyone's faces as we walked into the church. I can still hear everyone in the church sobbing as Big Green Tractor played. I can still hear the clicking of everyone's shoes as we walked down the parking lot of the church to Erik's final resting place.

Sometimes, memories are best when they are forgotten!!!!!!