Hard day

Over the weekend, my youngest cousin had to say goodbye to 2 of his best friends. They were killed tragically in a motorcycle wreck at the end of my Mama's road early Saturday morning. They were 19 & 21 and had such a promising future in front of them. I can't help but relive that AWFUL day in November as I think about the pain that their poor parents are feeling right now.

Today, they will kiss their son's goodbye one last time and that hurts me SO very bad. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept having flashbacks of that terrible week leading up to Erik's funeral. The anxiety, hurt, sadness, fear, emptiness - all of it came rushing back. I wanted to be there for Austin & Avery's parents so bad, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself reach out to them because my pain and hurt is still too fresh. The thought alone of walking into the funeral home to their visitations almost put me in a full on panic attack. For that, I feel awful. I have every intention of going to see Jane and Kathy soon. I just CAN NOT do it right now. My emotions are still too raw to provide any comfort to a freshly grieving mother.

Please remember the family and tons and tons of friends of these young boys. I didn't know them that well, but from what I can tell, they were some pretty awesome fellas.