I wonder...

With Erik's angelversary quickly approaching, I've been thinking about all the what if's, what could've been's and all that stuff that I shouldn't dwell on. Well, I have been dwelling on it and I can't stop wondering where we would be today if Erik were still alive.

I wonder if he'd know how to tie his shoes by now...

I wonder how many teeth he would've lost...

I wonder how well he'd be able to read...

I wonder what kind of awards he would be getting at school...

I wonder how much better he would be at playing ball...

I wonder if he'd still be wearing boots every day of the week...

I wonder if I'd still be in school had he not died...

I wonder would Kyle and I have ever gotten back together had Erik not died...

I wonder who his new friends would be...

I wonder what he would be wanting for Christmas this year...

I wonder if he'd still like watching Diego...

I wonder if he'd still be a Clemson fan considering the AWFUL year that they're having...

I wonder what his voice would sound like...

I wonder if pork chops, mac & cheese and corn would still be his favorite meal...

I wonder if he would like where we're living now...

I wonder if we'd even be living there had Erik not died...

I wonder what size clothes and shoes he'd be in now...

I wonder if he would still wanna be a bull rider...

I wonder if any of those trees in my mom's front yard would still be standing...

I wonder what kind of trouble that Erik, Jake and Chase would be getting in to...

I wonder if his eyes still shine as bright as they did the last time I seen them...

I wonder if we'd still fight every morning over what he was or wasn't going to wear to school...

There are plenty more things that I think about. I kind of have to considering all my nephews are around Erik's age and some of my best friends have boys that went to school with Erik. I watch them when they're around and can't help but wonder what Erik would be like.

I know that I'll never know the answer to my wondering thoughts, but one thing is for sure - not a single day goes by that I don't think about Erik, shed a tear for him and beg that all of this is just a big nightmare.