Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Triggers.

Spirit Week

Primary School

Western Day

Cowboy hats

Cowboy boots

Plaid shirts

Trying to tune them out

Walking faster

Quick kisses to 2 unknowing little girls

Fake Smiles

Out of breath

Almost to the car

Door slams

Tears fall

I can't catch my breath

Breathe

Breathe

Gasping for air

More tears

Breathe

Breathe

Mascara smeared

Breathe

Tears

Breathe

There have been a lot of triggers for me during the last almost 3 years.  Today, a simple theme at the girls school sent me into a full blown anxiety attack.  Almost 2 hours later, my heart rate had finally slowed down and I was able to catch my breath.  

Today was awful.
Miserable.
Heart wrenching.

I just want this nightmare to be over.  
I want my son back.
I need him.

My heart needs him.

4 comments:

SimplyHeather said...

:( I'm sorry.

Jenn said...

(((hugs))) It's so hard when we get smacked out of no where with triggers & reminders. Wish I had words of encouragement but know you aren't alone.

Catherine W said...

Oh I wish, wish, wish that you could have him back.

Those unexpected triggers that come out of nowhere and slam us to the ground.

Your beautiful boy xo

Jamie said...

I'm sorry