35 Months

The title says it all.

How has it possibly been 35 months since I touched you?

Kissed you?

Hugged you?

Looked into your big brown eyes?

Heard you laugh?

Fell in love even more when you smiled?

35 months without you sweet boy and yet it still continues to feel like it was yesterday.  My memories of you are becoming clouded and it breaks my heart all over again.  I find myself forgetting what you sounded like.  I play videos to try and remember, but yet the little boy in those videos is like a stranger to me.

I still look at pictures of you and I'm blown away by the beautiful child staring back at me.  I continue to feel like this is some bad nightmare.  It's only when someone else mentions your story that it hits me that this is really my life.  My child is dead.  You are gone.

I wake up every morning and question how I've lived this long without you.  There are times that I amaze myself.

This morning on the way to work, I played your song.  I cried harder than I've cried in a long time.  Most days I can listen to it a million times and be ok.  Today was an exception.

I miss you Erik.

I know you know that.  You've visited friends and told them how heart broken I am.

I hope you know that even though my memories are clouded that I will never forget you.  You are the love of my life and memories like that can't be forgotten.

I love you cowboy - to the moon and back.