Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I had every intention of writing a blog, but as I sit here and look at the blank screen, I can't get the words to come out. Today is June 1st. Kaitlyn and Sienna are another month older. I'm one month closer to celebrating a birthday for my son who isn't even here to blow out candles. Erik would've been 7 in just a few short months. I've been thinking about what kind of celebration we'll have for him this year. I've got some ideas and I know it's going to be great, but I would really like to have him here. With me. Celebrating. And yes, it's been 18.5 months since I said goodbye and it still doesn't seem real. I'm waiting for him to jump out of my closet and say "surprise". If only.

I've been trying to stay super busy when I'm not working. It seems that being occupied physically keeps my mind from wandering to far off places and questioning life as I know it. Memorial Day on Monday marked the unofficial start to summer - Erik's favorite time of the year. Of course, he would've been swimming since April probably. Cold water doesn't bother kids like it does adults. I can imagine Erik at the lake with us. Riding on the boat. Fishing with Kyle. Swimming in the lake. I know that he would've loved it. He lived in the water during the summer. He went from being terrified of the water at the beginning of the summer to barely coming up for a breath by the time summer ended. He never took the first swimming lesson and was a damn good swimmer. I'm proud of myself for teaching the how-to's when it came to swimming.

Memorial Day weekend is also Catfish Feastival time in Ware Shoals. Another thing that Erik loved. He looked forward to it every year. He loved hanging out with his cousins and riding the rides until he couldn't ride anymore. He especially loved the race car ride. He made a b-line for the 48 every single year. He didn't like riding in any other car because he was a die hard J.Johnson fan just like his Daddy (GAG!) I thought it was ironic this year that the 48 sat empty the first few times the ride was operating. Well, I take that back. It might have been physically empty, but I know a certain brown - eyed boy who was loving every second of his favorite ride.

Anyway - I'm just in a blah mood. Work is slow and it leaves me with entirely too much time to think. Thinking is bad for a person like me.

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