Sunday, March 6, 2011

Feeling Down

I am depressed. I feel alone. All I want to do is sleep. I don't care about anything. Literally.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Ashley, I check on you occasionally because our experiences are somewhat similar. I am Makiah's mom from An Unexpected Journey (blog)I am sorry you are feeling so down. I understand. I have been completely shut down in my relationship with God since the accident. I had sort of a jolt this week though and thought I'd share it for what its worth. I was holding my three week old twins and it dawned on me that if I keep on living like this, it is very possible that I won't raise them to know Jesus. I know that he is the only way to heaven (a relationship with him), but I have so much hurt and so many questions that I have sort of checked out. But i suddenly thought that its not worth it if the cost of my pain is for my daughters to spend eternity in hell ( and never meet their big sister). I don't know, the thought of how my life will influence their eternity was rattling to me. I have not known how to pray anymore so I mostly haven't. But I started the one prayer I know God clearly said to pray- the Lords prayer- a few days this week. I put my own words in it and prayed like it applied to me and one day I had the tiniest bit of peace. It didn't last long before the pain was back but there was a tiny sliver there that I have not felt in a long time. Actually I have felt nothing but pain and emptiness since the accident. I don't know if this will mean anything to you. I just wanted to share from one person in the pit to another... I saw a tiny bit of light and pray that you will too.
PS he is a beautiful little boy