Tuesday, March 29, 2011

20 Things

I read this on another blog I'm following and most of all of them applied to me, so I thought I would share. I've edited some parts to fit me better...

20 Things Angel Mommies Wish You Knew


1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my son. The truth is just because you never knew my son doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my son and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning his name. The truth is I need to cry and talk about him with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my son more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about Erik. The truth is I love him and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my son died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my son, the love I feel for him, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my son are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

8. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

9. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my son doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

10. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

11. Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

12. I wish you understood that losing my son has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to "normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.

13. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the son I lost and no other baby can replace him. Children aren’t interchangeable.

14. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my son or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

15. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

16. I wish you would understand that being around women with sons the same age as Erik is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

17. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown

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