You're welcome :) |
On November 15, 2009, my seemingly normal and all to boring life came to a screeching halt. My first born child and only son, Erik, died after sustaining fatal injuries in a freak four - wheeler accident. This blog is an open and honest encounter into my life without him.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Liebster Award!!
Once again, I've been nominated by not one, but TWO of my awesome blog friends for the Liebster Award! Crazy!! This will be the 3rd (and 4th) time (first time here; second time here) I've received this award and I'm so glad that these ladies thought of me.
My first "nomination" came from Terin over at Modded Momma. Terin and I have been online friends since our boys were babies. We started on MySpace and it carried over to Facebook. Terin and I share the fact that we have a boy and two girls. All of our kids are close in age and I love being able to see her kids grow up through pictures.
My second "nomination" came from Hannah over at Sadie Mae's Mommy. I originally met Hannah through Facebook shortly before she had her beautiful daughter, Sadie Mae. I then had the pleasure of meeting Hannah in person and she is just as wonderful in person as she is on her blog. She and I are both baby/child loss Mama's and she has been a huge support to me through my journey. She's quite the inspiration anyway!!
Now onto the details of my award!
Liebster Award - an award passed around the blogging community for upcoming bloggers with less than 200 followers and/or for someone that deserves some recognition for their blogging.
THE (bendable) RULES:
- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.
- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.
- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag & award with the Liebster award (nominees must have less than 200 followers). These lucky bloggers must be told in a comment on their blog.
- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.
Questions for Me from Terin:
1. If you had a band, what would it be called? I have no idea!!! LOL
3. What is one thing you can't live without? Dr. Pepper :( I've tried, it ain't happening!!
4. What would you do if you won a million dollars? Pay off our debt and move out of SC!!
5. What's your biggest pet peeve? I have many, but the one that's been driving me up the wall lately is people who walk and drag their feet!!! Pick your damn feet up and walk!!!
6. Do you have any phobias? spiders seriously freak me out. Ick!!
7. If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be? The one that comes to mind right now is Gary Allan's newest song "Every Storm"
8. Define PEACE in your own words. I'm honestly still trying to figure the meaning of that out!
9. What are the three most important things in your life? Erik, Kaitlyn & Sienna
10. What do you do for fun? Concerts!!!
11. Your biggest lesson you've learned so far? Tomorrow is NEVER promised.
1. What is your favorite book? see above :)
2. Have you ever read the entire Bible... either all at once, or in general? I have not.
3. How many hours a day do you spend on Facebook? Entirely TOO many. I have it up all day long, but only
check it randomly. It's more out of habit than a necessity though.
4. If you could afford a live-in maid, would you hire one? Absolutely!!!
5. What is your dream car? Honda Pilot
6. Do you prefer to live close or far away from family? (And how close is close?) I prefer to live far away, but the furthest I've ever lived is 4 hours.
7. What is your all-time favorite song? Big Green Tractor! Surprise! Surprise!
8. How did you find my blog? (If you remember.) from a link on Facebook. I think it was Tara Prochaska's.
9. What is your go-to meal when you're rushed for supper? I don't really have a "go-to". If I know we're rushed, 9 times out of 10, I go through a drive-thru somewhere.
10. Are you named after any of your relatives? No. I'm named after someone from a soap opera. LOL
11. What is your favorite blog? Ooh, this one is a tough one. I read a lot of blogs. Like last I counted, there were 300+ on my blog roll. While I don't read every single post from every single blog, I do read most. Having to pick a favorite blog is like trying to pick a favorite child. I just can't do it!!
My first "nomination" came from Terin over at Modded Momma. Terin and I have been online friends since our boys were babies. We started on MySpace and it carried over to Facebook. Terin and I share the fact that we have a boy and two girls. All of our kids are close in age and I love being able to see her kids grow up through pictures.
My second "nomination" came from Hannah over at Sadie Mae's Mommy. I originally met Hannah through Facebook shortly before she had her beautiful daughter, Sadie Mae. I then had the pleasure of meeting Hannah in person and she is just as wonderful in person as she is on her blog. She and I are both baby/child loss Mama's and she has been a huge support to me through my journey. She's quite the inspiration anyway!!
Now onto the details of my award!
Liebster Award - an award passed around the blogging community for upcoming bloggers with less than 200 followers and/or for someone that deserves some recognition for their blogging.
THE (bendable) RULES:
- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.
- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.
- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag & award with the Liebster award (nominees must have less than 200 followers). These lucky bloggers must be told in a comment on their blog.
- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.
11 Things about Me:
1. I am tall. Like 6'1" tall. I love it while I was playing sports, but now I absolutely hate it. Have you ever tried finding a pair of jeans/pants in a length long enough for me? Yeah, not fun times!
2. I worked in the legal field for the last 12 years.
3. I'm addicted to three things.... Dr. Pepper - Luke Bryan - eCards. Ha!
4. I need a lifestyle change. I'm in a constant battle with my body. I know what I need to do, but I have no motivation whatsoever.
5. I keep my mouth shut about things that really bother me just to avoid confrontation. I'm afraid that once I starting "going off", I wouldn't be able to stop.
6. I look at my nephew, Jake and sometimes wonder why my son couldn't have just gotten cancer instead of dying.
7. I hate being alone, but the thought of having to have a conversation with "company" makes me cringe.
8. I have a hard time feeling sorry for people. I feel that if I can force myself out of bed each morning, so can they.
9. I don't put everything I want to on my blog for fear of offending people and creating awkwardness between people I know in real life.
10. The necklace I received shortly after Erik died rarely gets taken off. I think I can count on one hand how many times I've taken it off in the last 38 months. I have a mild panic attack each time I take it off too.
11. I will never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever cut my hair off short again. I loved it while it was short and maintained, but this growing it out process is the worst thing for my self esteem!!! Blah!!!
1. If you had a band, what would it be called? I have no idea!!! LOL
2. What's your all-time favorite book? All time? Gah, that's a tough one. Probably Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks.
3. What is one thing you can't live without? Dr. Pepper :( I've tried, it ain't happening!!
4. What would you do if you won a million dollars? Pay off our debt and move out of SC!!
5. What's your biggest pet peeve? I have many, but the one that's been driving me up the wall lately is people who walk and drag their feet!!! Pick your damn feet up and walk!!!
6. Do you have any phobias? spiders seriously freak me out. Ick!!
7. If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be? The one that comes to mind right now is Gary Allan's newest song "Every Storm"
8. Define PEACE in your own words. I'm honestly still trying to figure the meaning of that out!
9. What are the three most important things in your life? Erik, Kaitlyn & Sienna
10. What do you do for fun? Concerts!!!
11. Your biggest lesson you've learned so far? Tomorrow is NEVER promised.
Questions for Me from Hannah:
2. Have you ever read the entire Bible... either all at once, or in general? I have not.
3. How many hours a day do you spend on Facebook? Entirely TOO many. I have it up all day long, but only
check it randomly. It's more out of habit than a necessity though.
4. If you could afford a live-in maid, would you hire one? Absolutely!!!
5. What is your dream car? Honda Pilot
6. Do you prefer to live close or far away from family? (And how close is close?) I prefer to live far away, but the furthest I've ever lived is 4 hours.
7. What is your all-time favorite song? Big Green Tractor! Surprise! Surprise!
8. How did you find my blog? (If you remember.) from a link on Facebook. I think it was Tara Prochaska's.
9. What is your go-to meal when you're rushed for supper? I don't really have a "go-to". If I know we're rushed, 9 times out of 10, I go through a drive-thru somewhere.
10. Are you named after any of your relatives? No. I'm named after someone from a soap opera. LOL
11. What is your favorite blog? Ooh, this one is a tough one. I read a lot of blogs. Like last I counted, there were 300+ on my blog roll. While I don't read every single post from every single blog, I do read most. Having to pick a favorite blog is like trying to pick a favorite child. I just can't do it!!
Now the questions for MY blog nominees:
1. Given the opportunity to tell someone who is no longer in your life something, what would it be?
2. Who is your favorite singer/band?
3. What about your favorite book?
4. What is your dream job?
5. In 3 sentences (or less) tell me about yourself.
6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
7. Do you prefer spring, summer, fall or winter?
8. What's the weather like where you are?
9. Do you have any resolutions for 2013? If so, what are some of them?
10. What is your favorite thing to drink?
11. What is your favorite type of blog?
And my nominees are..... (lol)
1. Becky at For the Love of Baby Liam
2. Jess at On Second Thought
4. Stacy at Baby Rachel's Legacy
5. Jessica at My Baby Birds
6. Kelly at The Boots Family
7. Elle's Mommy at Love Always Leaves A Mark
8. Kristin at Our Life Through The Lens
9. Shelley at Little Midwest Ramblings
10. Tesha at Tesha's Treasures
11. Brigette at A Blessed Life
Monday, January 14, 2013
He's a sneaky little booger!!
So, I told y'all that I had been going to a new church on Sunday nights. NewSpring. Well, this place is huge. I'm talking tens of thousands of people attend each Sunday. Kids under 11 are not allowed into "big" church, so they have special classes they go into. Anyway, I check the girls into their class, they get their name tag and I get my "receipt".
Rewind to 01.13.13 and this is my receipt. I noticed it as soon as it was printed and my heart skipped a beat.
Rewind to 01.13.13 and this is my receipt. I noticed it as soon as it was printed and my heart skipped a beat.
The #7 symbolizes his number in baseball. EQ = Erik Quarles |
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Midweek Randoms
How about that - I've managed to blog more in the last week than I have in the last 6 months :) Woo hoo!!!
Now onto some midweek randoms...
- I'm overly slightly obsessed with this man
- I am so excited that Jason Aldean is coming back to SC in May. I've decided that the girls are old enough to experience their first concert and I will be getting our tickets tomorrow!
- I'm glad the holidays are over and we're slowly getting back into a good routine. The girls bedtime was out of control and now we're all paying for it because they are having to get up early for school.
- I've made up my mind that I need to get healthy. All of the eating out and terrible eating has got to stop. I've been pinning ideas on pinterest, but I've only gotten as far as making some of those flavored waters. Straight lemon water is disgusting. Next on my list to try is Sassy Water. We shall see how long that lasts!
- Dieting sucks. The end.
- I think I need a technology intervention. I am way too dependent on Facebook, Instagram and my computer in general. As soon as I get the girls in bed at night, the laptop comes out and I'll be on it until the wee hours of the night. The week of Christmas when my internet was out was pure torture!!!! I didn't know what to do with myself!
- I wish I could afford someone to deep clean my house. I have a pretty clean house, but it's the stuff like blinds, curtains and baseboards that I wish would clean themselves. Oh and while I'm affording that, I wish I could pay someone to plan out our meals and make the grocery list. Trying to figure out different stuff to cook each week makes me want to pull my hair out. Heck, I'll make it easy on my meal planner - I'll do the grocery shopping! I actually like doing that!!
- Victoria's Secret was revealed this past Friday. Her secret is - if you don't look like our models, don't try to shop here!! I learned that lesson the hard way. :(
- My Mama had another back surgery today. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and she hopefully recovers fully and feels better.
- Jake also started radiation today. He has to have 8 doses. Please remember him in your prayers as well. (BTW - have you like Team Jake Calvert on Facebook yet??)
- Speaking of Jake, I've put together another blood drive in his honor. It'll be on February 8 in Ware Shoals.
I think that's about for this week. Funny how I went from Luke Bryan showing us "the move" to talking about a blood drive for Jake. Guess that's why this is called Midweek Randoms!!
Hope y'all have a good rest of the week!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
9 years
With today being January 1st, it brings about a lot of emotions for me. Not only is it the beginning of a new year and new things to come, but it also symbolizes the beginning of my journey to becoming a mother.
9 years ago today, Kyle and I took a vacation to Myrtle Beach. We had a hunch that I was pregnant, but I refused to take a test any where near my house. My mother is too nosey and I just knew that she'd dig through the trash and find a pregnancy test if I were to take it while I was at home. I know - silly me!
Anyway, we were laying in bed watching the usual New Year's celebrations on tv and I decided to take one of the HPT that I had bought earlier. I did the deed and laid the test on the counter. Nothing happened. Turns out - I had missed the ENTIRE stick!!!! To say I was slightly nervous would be an understatement. I decided to try and relax and would just try again in the morning (January 1, 2004). Kyle and I fell asleep before midnight that night - so much for ringing in the new year!!!
I can remember waking up around 3 a.m. on January 1st having to pee. I went back to the bathroom and actually managed to pee on the stick. It took all of three seconds for it to show two little pink lines. In that exact moment, I fell in love. I crawled back into bed with Kyle and whispered "we're gonna have a baby".
After we woke up for the day, I spoke with my Mama on the phone. I had no idea how to tell my family I was pregnant. I was scared to death to tell them actually because Kyle and I had only been dating for 3 months. During the conversation with Mama, she started telling me about a dream she had had. Now, keep in mind that she has NO idea that I'm pregnant. She said she dreamed that I had given birth to a beautiful little girl that had a head full of black curly hair. I was hitting the crap out of Kyle as she was telling me this because I thought she had some sort of psychic power or something. How weird that she had this dream during the same night that I found out I was in fact having a baby!!!
My pregnancy was a big secret for a while. We did tell Kyle's mama and my best friend Heather. I knew that I had to tell someone because keeping it to myself was nearly impossible!! I didn't tell my family I was pregnant until I was almost four months along. They were so happy for us, but so mad that I didn't tell them sooner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so hard for me to look back on that day in 2004 and not be heartbroken. I could've never imagined in a million years that that little baby I carried for nine LONG months would only be mine for 5 short years. He taught me so much in those 5 years. He was and still is the love of my life. He was my knight in shining armour and my soul mate.
I miss him so much. So very much. I've gone through the last couple of months in a complete fog. It hurts so much to know that I'm getting further and further away from him - although on the other hand, it's also getting closer and closer until I see him again.
I'm trying to be optimistic about this year, but I can't help but think that this is the year that Erik's little sisters become older than he ever was. I just pray that my grief goes easy on me this year. I know that there are going to be a lot of triggers and I'm hoping that I can embrace them and enjoy the fact that my girls ARE doing things that Erik never got to do.
Please continue praying for me!
9 years ago today, Kyle and I took a vacation to Myrtle Beach. We had a hunch that I was pregnant, but I refused to take a test any where near my house. My mother is too nosey and I just knew that she'd dig through the trash and find a pregnancy test if I were to take it while I was at home. I know - silly me!
Anyway, we were laying in bed watching the usual New Year's celebrations on tv and I decided to take one of the HPT that I had bought earlier. I did the deed and laid the test on the counter. Nothing happened. Turns out - I had missed the ENTIRE stick!!!! To say I was slightly nervous would be an understatement. I decided to try and relax and would just try again in the morning (January 1, 2004). Kyle and I fell asleep before midnight that night - so much for ringing in the new year!!!
I can remember waking up around 3 a.m. on January 1st having to pee. I went back to the bathroom and actually managed to pee on the stick. It took all of three seconds for it to show two little pink lines. In that exact moment, I fell in love. I crawled back into bed with Kyle and whispered "we're gonna have a baby".
After we woke up for the day, I spoke with my Mama on the phone. I had no idea how to tell my family I was pregnant. I was scared to death to tell them actually because Kyle and I had only been dating for 3 months. During the conversation with Mama, she started telling me about a dream she had had. Now, keep in mind that she has NO idea that I'm pregnant. She said she dreamed that I had given birth to a beautiful little girl that had a head full of black curly hair. I was hitting the crap out of Kyle as she was telling me this because I thought she had some sort of psychic power or something. How weird that she had this dream during the same night that I found out I was in fact having a baby!!!
My pregnancy was a big secret for a while. We did tell Kyle's mama and my best friend Heather. I knew that I had to tell someone because keeping it to myself was nearly impossible!! I didn't tell my family I was pregnant until I was almost four months along. They were so happy for us, but so mad that I didn't tell them sooner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so hard for me to look back on that day in 2004 and not be heartbroken. I could've never imagined in a million years that that little baby I carried for nine LONG months would only be mine for 5 short years. He taught me so much in those 5 years. He was and still is the love of my life. He was my knight in shining armour and my soul mate.
I miss him so much. So very much. I've gone through the last couple of months in a complete fog. It hurts so much to know that I'm getting further and further away from him - although on the other hand, it's also getting closer and closer until I see him again.
I'm trying to be optimistic about this year, but I can't help but think that this is the year that Erik's little sisters become older than he ever was. I just pray that my grief goes easy on me this year. I know that there are going to be a lot of triggers and I'm hoping that I can embrace them and enjoy the fact that my girls ARE doing things that Erik never got to do.
Please continue praying for me!
It's January 1st!!!
Happy New Year everyone!
My number 1 resolution this year is to be a better blogger! I have been horrible the last few months and my mood shows it! :/
I hope that each of you had a wonderful night last night. As for me, the girls and I were asleep in my recliner by 10 p.m. But if the way I closed out 2012 is any indication of what 2013 will be like, I'll take it.
Both of my girls - cuddled in my lap. Yep, that's good enough for me!
My number 1 resolution this year is to be a better blogger! I have been horrible the last few months and my mood shows it! :/
I hope that each of you had a wonderful night last night. As for me, the girls and I were asleep in my recliner by 10 p.m. But if the way I closed out 2012 is any indication of what 2013 will be like, I'll take it.
Both of my girls - cuddled in my lap. Yep, that's good enough for me!
Here's to 2013!! |
January Birthday's and Angelversaries
Angel Birthday’s
Dustin May - 01.03
Derrick Jones - 01.06.1978
Caleb Moody - 01.06.2005 - Caleb's Story
Ellie Lauree - 01.15.2010 - Ellie's Story
Shane Lindley - 01.19.2011
Maddie Lanway - 01.30.2006
Angel Lifeday's
Liam - 01.03.2011 - Liam's Story
Trenton James Weatherford - 01.05.2010 - Trent's Story
Baby Knapp - 01.13.2012
Sadie Mae Norris - 01.18.2011 - Sadie Mae's Story
Angel Navaeh Abney - 01.27.2011
Angelversaries
Adam James - 01.11.11 - Adam's Story
Tripp Roth - 01.14.2012 - Tripp's Story
Macie Barton - 01.25.2011 - Macie's Story
Aaron King - 01.26.2012 - Aaron's Story
Anthony Frank Grasso - 01.29.2012
**If you would like your loved one's name added to the list, please contact me.**
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