Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Happy New Year

Wow - it's been a minute since I posted a blog. I'm getting slack. I know. Well, it's a new year, which means another year without my son. Christmas came and went. The girls got more than they knew what to do with. Thankfully, I was so busy in the days leading up to Christmas that I didn't really have time to sit and think about Erik not being here. I missed him of course, but the grief of him being gone didn't swallow me up and spit me out half chewed like it has before. Doing the nieces and nephews Christmas was probably the hardest because Erik should've been up in the middle of Chase and Jake playing with the monster trucks that Chase got from Kelley. Instead, his little mini - me (Sienna) took her spot on the floor of Pizza Hut with the boys. And it wasn't until after all was said and done that I cried. On the way home, I got to thinking about the pictures I took of the kids. A smiling, brown-eyed boy sure would've completed those pictures.

Christmas night, the forecast called for snow. Hodges wasn't seeing anything, so around 8 p.m. Kyle and I piled the girls in the truck and we took off towards Greenville in hopes we'd see some snow. The girls loved it! Kyle had the bright idea to stop at a car dealership on the way home and get some snow for the girls to eat. Needless to say, we made quite a few stops for more snow! By the time we got back home, it was snowing. It snowed through out the night and well into the next day. It was the first white Christmas that I've ever experienced and from the talk, it was the first white Christmas in Ware Shoals since the early 60's. Coincidence? I think not! The next morning, I couldn't be bothered getting out of bed. We've had 2 snows since Erik has been gone and I couldn't imagine playing in the snow again without him. Kyle finally convinced me to get out of bed for the girls, which I did and we went outside to play. Sienna was the first to grab a handful of snow and eat it! That girl loves to eat some snow! We played for a while and then it was time to hit the back roads and play in the truck. That's when the reality of the situation hit me. Once again, we were out having fun in the snow and Erik wasn't here. My child had never really gotten to play in the snow. The only time it really snowed while he was alive was a night and by the time morning came, it was all frozen. Erik never knew what it was like to build a snow man. He never got to roll around in the snow and throw snow balls at me and Kyle. He didn't get to go sledding or riding on back roads. Thank God the snow from 12/25/10 came and went pretty quick.

We celebrated New Year's with Jen, Phil, Chandler and Chase. We had a good time. Chandler and Chase helped with the fireworks and Sienna and Kaitlyn sat in the truck and watched from there. I'm sure Erik would've had a ball doing the roman candles with Chase and I know he would've loved throwing random stuff in the fire like Chase was doing.

And now here we are, the 2nd week of January, 2011 and we have another record snow fall. Some places around here got 6 - 8 inches. My girls could barely walk out of the house Monday morning. I couldn't believe that we actually got a really good snow fall! This snow fall wasn't any different than Christmas day snow. All I could think about was how unfair it was that it never snowed like this while Erik was alive. I just know that he would've had the time of his life. I could see him riding his 4 wheeler and having a ball. I could hear him in the back seat of Kyle's truck saying "Do it again Deddy!" while Kyle was doing doughnut after doughnut in the middle of the road. I can hear him laughing when Big D got stuck in the ditch. I could see him helping Kyle hook the chains up to pull D out. After all, he was a country boy and he had to do everything just like his Daddy. We managed to find a dirt road that a 4 wheeler had recently been on. Once again, I couldn't do anything but get angry because my boy wasn't here to have fun with us. It's not fair that we've had more snow since he's been gone than we had in his entire lifetime. It's not fair that we're out playing in it and having a ball. It's just not fair.

I'm ready for the snow and ice to melt so that I can get back to my daily routine. Being stuck in the house has gotten the best of me and I'm ready to move on. I've had enough snow for a while, but just like everything else, I'm sure this is only the beginning.

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