Wednesday, July 10, 2013

July 10, 2013

I was looking back through some of my last posts and realized that there is a LOT to update everyone on. Unfortunately, my mind can't go there now. I honestly wouldn't even know where to start the updates, so I'm gonna start my "first" post in the present. I may go back and fill in details as I can.

Today is July 10, 2013. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that this year is already half way over. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!? Weren't we just ringing in 2013??? Yeah, I thought so!

As most of the people involved in my life know, I've been off of Facebook for a while. I deactivated a couple of months ago and although I miss my online friends like crazy, I have no intentions of logging back on. Facebook was my go to when I got bored or needed busy hands. I would love to say that I've replaced it with something meaningful, but who am I kidding?! Instagram moved right on in after Facebook moved out! (PS - do you follow me? Do you want too? If so, it's acq9104!) I post lots of cute pics of my girls and my #throwbackthursday posts are reserved for my sweet boy. I post a lot of other random crap too - like pics from the gym and quotes that inspire me. Sorry to disappoint those that were looking for something exciting. I've yet to get on the instavideo bandwagon - granted, I have posted a few videos, but I can't stand the way I talk, so it's very unlikely that I'll ever do a "selfie"!

Anyway. Moving on.

I mentioned that it's July. This is the time that I've dreaded since losing Erik. This month, the 15th and 16th to be exact, are two days that I have been counting down to since I kissed Erik goodbye. Monday, the 15th is hard for obvious reasons. But what isn't obvious about those days is the fact that my sweet little girls will be the same age as their big brother. The 16th marks the day that the baby sisters become older than their big brother. My anxiety has been through the roof for the last couple of days and it wasn't until the other night at the gym that I realized why. It fell on me like a freaking brick and I lost all motivation to do anything at the gym. I packed my gym bag up and walked as fast as I could to my car. Once in my car, I blared my music and cried the whole way home. The first two weeks of EVERY month are hard. The 15th is ALWAYS hard. Knowing that everything from here on out will be "new" to me is extremely hard and emotionally draining. I should know what to expect from a child that is 5 years, 2 months and 16 days old considering I'll have a 9 year old come September. But when your 9 year old is eternally 5, all of this stuff to come will be new to me.



So today, I’m asking for your prayers. I need them more than I ever have. Pray for peace in the days (and months) to come. Pray for my heart. Pray that my anxiety doesn’t overtake my entire body and make me go crazy. Pray that I’ll get to experience life with little girls who are able to turn 5 years, 2 months and 16 days old.

4 comments:

Kelly L Boots said...

I think abou you and pray for you every day. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Erik was so cute, I love seeing his beautiful smile in those pictures you post. I like to think of him and my brother in heaven together.

Lisa Sissons said...

Thinking of you. I actually have been a lot lately as I hadn't seen you post in awhile. I hope that the coming days are gentle.

Also, I tried adding you to instagram, but I couldn't seem to find you with the username you provided.

Lots of love,
Lisa

Tiffany said...

I'll definitely be thinking of you! The babies out-aging Ellie was a very hard milestone for me. Sending lots of love your way friend!

Tesha Papik said...

Praying for you!