Why is it so hard for me to blog when I know it's such a great release?! Oh I know why... because writing all the madness down reveals that I'm not the strong person everyone seems to think I am.
The last time I blogged was July 17th (I don't count posting pictures for Say Nothing Saturday blogging). So very much has happened since then.
Obviously I survived the girls becoming older than Erik. It wasn't easy and I cried a LOT during that week, but I survived. On top of how emotional that week already was, I decided that I needed to make it harder. Yeah, I know - such an overachiever! Kyle and I have been having problems for a long time. We were split up when Erik passed away and to be honest, we should've never gotten back together because we lost Erik. But we did and it was hard. Very hard. We spent the last 3.5 years together because of our girls and that's not the way marriage should work. On July 19th, I told Kyle I wanted a divorce. I won't go into the details of what put me to that point, but just know - I made the right decision for me and my children. On August 9th, I moved out of the house I shared with Kyle.
Because of my history with Kyle, I knew that moving down the road or a quick drive away wasn't an option. We're an hour away from everything the girls have ever known. We no longer have aunts and uncles and cousins and grand parents nearby. It has been a really hard transition for me, but I knew this is what I needed to start over. The girls have been amazing through all of this. I was worried sick about how they would adjust to a new school, new friends, a new daycare and not being with their daddy every day. The way that they have handled this has made it a semi - easy adjustment for me. I won't lie - it's HARD being a single parent. Especially a single parent that has no help close by. I don't have the option to call my Mom and have her help me out at a moment's notice. I don't have a built in baby sitter right down the road anymore. It's HARD. There have been many times that I've questioned everything that I've done. But then I remember where I was and what I've been through and that reminds me that I can do this. I have to do this. I will do this.
I will be the Mama that my girls are proud of. I will be the Mama that they deserve. I will be the Mama that they look up to when they have kids of their own. I will be the Mama that can look back on her life and smile.
The girls have made new friends and are in love with their new school and teachers. They get up each morning excited about going to school and they no longer beg me to pick them up early from daycare. They love living where we do. They think it's the coolest thing that all of their favorite places to eat are 5 minutes from our house (it's the little things for them!).
Anyway. It seems like that I always come back after a "break" with jaw dropping news. Oops. Just please pray for me and my girls. Pray that I will have the patience and guidance to be the Mama that I need to be. Pray that my girls will continue thriving in our new environment and that they will continue to love school and daycare. We definitely need all the prayers we can get.
