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Our LOVE Story

For this post, I'm linking up with Becky over at From Mrs. to Mama to share my love story.

This is our love story.



1. How long have you and your significant other been together?
Kyle and I have been together since August of 2003.  We had "eyes" for each other l-o-n-g before that though!  He was the first boy I crushed on in junior high school back in 1993-1994.  When we weren't attached to others, we ALWAYS found our way back to each other.  I finally claimed him as mine in 2003! 

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}
We first met back in junior high school.  I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th grade.  He played ball.  I played ball.  I was instantly attracted to him and it was pretty obvious.  He wasn't so smitten with me though. :(

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}
Our 8th Anniversary is coming up on April 7.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding? If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?
There was no typical wedding and bridezilla my way!  I told Kyle that we should just go to the Courthouse one day and get married.  That's what we did.  No family or anything there.  Just the 2 of us and I wouldn't change it for anything!
5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!
Oh my!  There are lots of names we call each other.... honey, babe, daddy-o (lol)
6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.
He's probably one of the funniest people I know is definitely #1.  He's handsome. And more recently, I've developed a deeper love for him because when I look at him, I get a glimpse of what Erik would've looked like.

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?
LOL I don't even think you could call it a proposal actually.  We went "shopping" for the perfect ring for when he decided to pop the question.  Of course, the jeweler laid the sales pitch on thick and gave Kyle an offer he couldn't refuse.  He left the jewelry store with my ring.  He said he was going to put it away and surprise me, but barely lasted into that night!  He couldn't stand it anymore and with some convincing on my end, we were engaged that night.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?
He isn't really neither of those.  He's done the flowers and teddy bear thing and I'm not big on romance, so we just kind of go with the flow.  I prefer that we show our love everyday and not using a random day in February to express how we feel so we don't make a HUGE deal out of v-day.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?
I could honestly go with either one!

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?
We've mentioned renewing our vows and having a wedding, but I had always envisioned Erik walking me down the aisle.  Since he passed away, we haven't really talked about it anymore.  Maybe one day...

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.
We'll probably spend the night at home with our girls.  Since it's a work/school night, we may do something on the weekend.  Kyle had mentioned tattoos, but it's still up in the air. 

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?
Yep, but I'm pretty sure Kyle hasn't caught on!  LOL  I mentioned needing new tennis shoes, scrapbooking stuff, tickets to see Eric Church and Brantley Gilbert... I'll have to let you know what I really get though!
13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.
Kyle and I have definitely been on the outs more so than not, but my biggest piece of advice is to love deeply, be kind and trustworthy and respect your spouse. 

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.

2011 Re-Cap in Pictures!

Just so you know, I've been working on this post since the 3rd of January, but my computer has MAJOR issues and would NOT upload the pictures. UUUGGGHHH!!!!

Ok - now you can enjoy my re-cap!

I found this on a Facebook friend's blog and thought it was cute, so I stole it ;)

Thank you Terin for the idea!!

Me! - 

picture of yourself.



What are you most proud of accomplishing in 2011?
I've survived another year with part of my heart missing....


I Love You -
picture of your husband, boyfriend, children, pets, etc.



Still Laughing... -
a moment you're still laughing about now...tell us a story.
Jason Aldean Concert in September.
Too many Bud Lights. Enough said!

Winter Wonderland - 

a picture that reflects Winter.

**couldn't put my hands on a winter picture from 2011....wtf?!**



Birthday -
share a birthday picture (your own or someone you love).



Friends -
a picture with friends (this could be your friends or your children with their friends).



I Was Inspired... -
could be a picture of your inspiration (person or thing), or inspired by...



Spring Fever -
a picture that reflects Spring.



 Travel or Vacation -
a picture taken on vacation or on a recent travel experience...even if it was only a few miles away.



Summer Days -
a picture that reflects Summer.



A Day In My Life -
a picture of a typical day in your life.

**My typical day includes work. There isn't a picture for that!**



All Smiles -
a picture that makes you smile or of smiling faces.



Autumn Harvest -
a picture that reflects Autumn/Fall.



Family or Home -
a picture of your family or a picture that represents family/home for you.



 Celebrate! - a picture that reflects a celebration.



Let's Do It Again... -
a picture of something you'd like to do again soon.



I Miss You -
a picture of someone or something you really miss.



Beautiful -
a picture of someone or something you find beautiful.

Dress Up -
this might be a picture from Halloween or not...but someone who is all dressed up!



Macro -
share your favorite macro or close-up image.

**by this point, I was just too lazy to find my favorite picture**


Holidays -
a picture from the Holiday of your choice.




 My Favorite -
share your favorite picture or memory from 2011.
This is just one picture, but my favorite memory is from all of the concerts we went to in 2011.
(Jason Aldean in January, Justin Moore in May, Throwdown with Willie in June, ZBB in July, Outshyne in July, Justin Moore in August, Hunter Hayes/Thompson Square/Craig Cambell/Brantley Gilbert in September, Jason Aldean in September - pretty sure there's more, but that's all I can recall right this second!)



Don't Ever Change -
something you love about yourself, someone, or something that you never want to change.

**Change is inevitable. I don't even wish for it anymore.**


Just Because...So There! -
share any picture(s) that you really want to share, but doesn't fit in any other category.

**There are a ton of pictures I could share, but it all comes back to laziness!**


 Hopes and Dreams - share what you hope to come or dream for 2012.
Oh my. There are a lot of things. But I guess the biggest is my hope to find myself again. The real Ashley got lost somewhere a long time ago and she's desperate to be found again.

Confessions... Take 3

~ people in general have no idea how to handle a grieving mother

~ I'm planning something big and I'm praying that God can help me work it out!!

~ I feel completely useless on Monday's.  I have no motivation to do anything and when the motivation comes, the day is over.

~ I'm thinking of deactivating my Facebook for a while.  too.much.drama.

~ My father is scheduled to have surgery tomorrow.  I will not be there.  Intentionally.

~ I wish that Kyle had always been the husband he is today.  It's amazing what alcohol can do to a person.

~ I'm about to die to tell Kyle what I got him for Valentine's Day/Anniversary, but I know I need to wait!

~ it feels sooooo very good to put a pair of pants on and HAVE to wear a belt to keep them from falling off!!

~ I love my therapist and I really wish I would've accepted the idea of therapy a LOT sooner

~ I miss my friends.

Favor please?

Fran at Small Bird Studios (Click HERE) is going to give a free blog design away to one lucky person.  Thing is, that lucky person has to be nominated to win.

I would be honored to win this fabulous prize because I think my blog could definitely use a makeover.  If you could be so helpful and nominate me to win the blog, I'd be forever grateful.

Another link to nominate is HERE.

OK - I'm done shamelessly begging for a blog makeover!

My living hell

WARNING: This post contains pictures that may be disturbing to some.

During the week leading up to Erik's funeral, I continued to snap pictures.  As much as I wished I still had my boy, I knew that I would eventually want to document his death.  The only way I knew how to do that was through pictures.  I had my best friend take pictures of everything before Erik was buried.  That included Erik.  I swore I would never show anyone the pictures, but here lately, the images in those pictures have steadily been haunting me.  When I close my eyes, I don't see the beautiful brown eyed boy who was so full of life.  I see the swollen, lifeless body laying in that wooden casket.

I thought I had hidden the pictures from myself until I came across them on Sunday as I was cleaning out our playroom/scrapbooking room.  I was throwing stuff away left and right and as I cleaned out the last drawer in my scrapbooking shelf, the pictures fell out.  I was literally gasping for breath.

I decided that I needed to put the pictures on my blog so that I could basically let go of them like I do all my thoughts, but I wanted to white out Erik's face so that nobody else has those awful last images of his beautiful face etched in their mind the way that I do.

Erik looked nothing like himself and it breaks my heart that the funeral home didn't do a better job, but I know they did the best that they could.  His hands and face were so swollen from the accident and I could tell that his eyes were gone because of the way his eyelids were.

2 years, 2 months and 15 days later, I can still smell that familiar smell of the funeral home (I haven't been in that funeral home or any funeral home since Erik died).  I can still smell the formaldehyde used to embomb his little body.  I can still see the stitches poking out behind his ear from where the autopsy was performed.  I can still feel his cold, hard hands in mine.

These memories are some of the few that I wish I could forget.  These memories are the ones that stand out over ALL the memories I have of Erik during his 5 years of life.  This is the hell that I live in every.single.day.

We had to make sure he had his favorite blankie.

Had to have a big green tractor too.

The medal is from his bff from Kindergarten.  It was his wrestling medal.

We put everything down inside the casket so it wouldn't be up at his face.

My niece, Chandler

11 years ago today, I fell in love for the first time.

11 years ago today, I became an aunt.

11 years ago today, my niece, Chandler Brooke, was born.

I can remember that day like it was yesterday.  I can actually remember the births of my nieces and nephews about as good as I remember birthing my own children.

Chandler was the first niece and also the first grandchild, so she was much awaited for.  My sister, Jennifer, called us early the morning of February 2, 2001 and told us she was in labor and being as excited as we were, we all took off to the hospital.  I think we were all there by 6 or 7 a.m.  I missed my classes that day, but I didn't care.  I was beyond excited to welcome this sweet little baby into our family.

After laboring all day, it was finally decided that Chandler was too big for my sister to birth vaginally, so she had to have a c-section.  I can't remember the exact time Chandler was born, but I know it was late.  Jennifer was so out of it from the meds she received that she didn't have a clue she was even in the world - let alone the fact that she had just had a baby.  The nurses kept Chandler in the nursery for a good while and everybody finally decided to go home and just come back when they could see Chandler and when Jennifer was awake.

Not this aunt right here though.  I refused to leave until I held that baby!!  I finally got to hold her around 1 a.m. and it was the best feeling in the world.  She was the most beautiful and chubby little girl I had ever seen.  I made sure to let everyone know that I was the first one to hold her too!!  I rubbed it in all of their faces!  LOL I still tease most of them about it to this day.

I made it a point to visit Chandler every single day when she was brand new.  When Jennifer went back to work, my Mom kept Chandler so I continued to see her every single day.  I loved her like she was my own and took care of her any chance that I got.  I spoiled her rotten!

I can remember when she was between 7 - 9 months old, I would let her taste anything that I was eating.  Her Mama couldn't stand it, but I thought it was hilarious.  I remember giving her doughnuts, snickers, peanut butter - anything she wanted, she knew she could get it from me.

Here we are 11 years later and I can hardly believe the beautiful, intelligent, young lady that Chandler has become.  She excels in school and has dreams of being on the gymnastics squad at the University of Georgia.  I fully believe that I'll be watching her on TV one day.  She's getting so tall and is determined to be taller than me one day.  At the rate she's growing, it won't be long.

This post is dedicated to you baby girl.  Boo-Boo loves you so very much and I can't wait to see what all you'll accomplish in life!  You are amazing.  You are beautiful.  You are so smart.  And today is your day!  Happy Birthday!!

Chandler and Chase at Disneyworld in June, 2011

Chandler doing her gymnastics thing back in January, 2012

So proud of her!!

Me and Chandler at the girls 2nd birthday party - May, 2010

Alyssa, Chandler and Sienna at Christmas Time

Out of the Ordinary for me

This post is going to be a bit different than my usual posts.

First off, let me state that yes, I believe in God and love him dearly.  I try to lead a Christ-like life, but I'm far from perfect.  I go to church on Sunday's and Wednesday's, but I've never been a real big participant in all things Godly.  Growing up, we'd go to church, but we never did devotional time or any kind of praying really at home, so it's not something that I've instilled into my adult life.  I'd love to get into it, but for some reason, I keep putting it off.

Since I lost Erik, I've had several people email me devotions.  I'd read them and then save them on my computer for future reference, but yet, I still haven't taken any steps towards routinely reading my OWN devotions.

Meredith Woodruff (Miller's mama), posted her devotion from yesterday on Facebook and I'm so glad I clicked on it and read it.  Thank you Meredith for enlightening me with this.

I’m Beyond Hurt

Melissa Taylor

“All your words are true…” Psalm 119:160a (NIV)

I’m beyond hurt.

I’m beyond confused.

I’m beyond stressed.

I’m beyond tired…physically, emotionally and mentally.

I could go on and on. But then I would be beyond depressed.

When feeling like this, I realize I have to get my mind out of the gutter and anchor myself on God’s promises.

I have to be intentional to focus on a different set of “beyond” statements or I quickly find myself in a pit. I know this from experience. Even if the “beyond” statements above are true, there are others that are also true.

I am beyond blessed: From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16*

I am beyond strong: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I am beyond secure: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I am beyond safe: Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. Psalm 138:7

I am beyond hopeful: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I am beyond loved: But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. Psalm 13:5

I am beyond valued: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I am beyond forgiven: Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Luke 7:48

I am beyond found: Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, “Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.” Luke 15:4-6

I am beyond complete: So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:10 (NLT)

I can’t trust my feelings, or even circumstances, to tell me how I am. They change like the wind. Up one moment and easily shot down the next. His Word however, never changes. Its ceaseless truths go beyond emotions and whatever my day holds to anchor me to hope.

Some days, weeks or even seasons of life are discouraging and we can’t see beyond the pain, hurt and stress. Searching God’s Word for His view of our circumstances and us lifts our eyes off the problems and onto Him. He’s our ultimate source of truth and encouragement!

Dear Lord, 

Thank You for recording Your Word for me to reflect on and find truth in. 

Thank You for giving hope and peace beyond my feelings and circumstances. 

In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

VIA

Wordless Wednesday

Can't believe this itty bitties are another month older!!!! 3 months away from being four.years.old!!!!

Bryce

A friend of mine is celebrating his birthday today.  In a perfect world, he'd be celebrating with his son, who's birthday is also today.  But today, a cute blonde haired little boy is celebrating his 6th birthday in Heaven instead.

A joyous, yet heartbreaking day for Will, Julie, Blake and Baylee.

Please keep the Caison family in your thoughts and prayers.

I know the battle they fight daily and my heart breaks for them.

02.01.06 - 11.18.09

So handsome!

Bryce and his mommy, Julie

Bryce and his daddy, Will

The birthday boys <3

Baylee, Blake and Bryce